Saturday, March 22, 2014

A Very Potty Birthday to Me!

So, my reputation for potty and poop humor is known far and wide, both personally and professionally.  It paid off for my last birthday!  Look at these fantastic cards and gift I got!

From the staff at work:


From my friend, Diane:

"It's a cute panda," you say.  "Why is it here on this poopy post?"  Well, here's why:

Yes, this card was made of PANDA POOP!  Ha ha! 
(In case you were wondering, it doesn't stink.  I checked.)

Then this card from my sister:

Oh, yes.  Kittens in tighty-whiteys.  Ha!  Hope they were clean!

And finally, this most excellent gift from Paula:

Are you confused?  Allow me to elaborate:

Oh, yes, it is.  And Sterling LOVES it.

Look at the drinking action!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

We will return to our regular programming after this commercial...

Okay, I don't know when I quite became this adult, but every once in a great while I fall in love with a household product.

The first time this happened, I was talking to my friend, Miranda, on the phone.  She began waxing poetic about the Swiffer.  She loved the Swiffer so much that I began picturing her as a 1950s housewife in an apron dancing across her kitchen linoleum floor.  Since this was not something I expected from her, I, of course, had to buy one.  I love it.  I love it, I love it, I love it!  I hope I never have to live without a Swiffer!  It's really quite ridiculous, but I can't help it.

I love those new commercials where someone leaves a box of Swiffer stuff on a front stoop, rings the doorbell and runs.  Even though I am well aware that it's a commercial, I always think to the elderly couple or the man with one arm, "You will love it!  You will love your Swiffer!  You were so lucky to be chosen!"

And now it has happened again.  With a garbage can.  I've noticed that in my neighborhood our garbage men do not take tender loving care of our garbage cans.  All up and down the street are broken garbage cans and missing lids.  So I was on a quest when I first moved here: I wanted an unbreakable garbage can.  I perused Lowe's and found…get ready…the Brute.  For the past year and a half, I've watched garbage cans dying a violent death, but my can barely has a scratch.

However, I didn't fully recognize the Brute's indestructibility until this winter.  I wish I had pictures to show you for this story, but I don't, so you'll just have to use your imagination.  After a bunch of heavy snow, I lost my beloved garbage can.  I knew he was somewhere, but we'd had terrible winds and feet of snow, and I didn't know where he had gone.  I spent a couple of weeks walking on snow and ice poking down with a stick hoping to find it, but eventually had to give up and wait for warmer weather.

We got warmer weather, and I scanned the area where I thought my Brute might be.  Finally, I came home one evening and saw a corner of my can!  He was in one of the massive piles of snow at the corner of the driveway, where the snow plowed from the street AND the snow shoveled from the driveway had made the piles a good six or seven feet tall.  I realized what had happened.  We got our hugest snow on a Wednesday (I remember because I had to cancel our Crazy 8s math club at the Library).  Wednesday is also garbage day.  The garbage men must have come, tossed my can aside like usual, and then the plow must have come along and covered it up.

Anyway, to the rescue!  I actually had to chip the Brute out.  He was buried alternately under layers of snow and ice.  I found both him (yes, he's a him) and the lid.  The only problem was that the poor Brute  was no longer a nice circle on top, but had been squished into an oval from having feet of snow on him for weeks.  I couldn't get the lid on.  However, let me point out that there were no cracks, no holes, no missing handles, not even a bent lip in my hardy Brute!  The lid was in perfect condition, too!

I had faith in my Brute, though.  I put him back in his usual place and set his lid against the wall.  Two days later he had resumed his nice circle shape on top, and the lid fits as well as the day I bought him.

Seriously, the Brute is completely indestructible.  I paid a bit more, but when I consider that one of my neighbors has purchased, no joke, SEVEN cheaper garbage cans in the last two years, all of which have broken, I definitely came out ahead.  Plus, now I have another product to love.  I love it, I love it, I love it!

So when you are in the market for a new garbage can, may I recommend the Brute.  You will love him so much I bet you'll name him (although just the name Brute is pretty awesome).  Like an African Grey Parrot he will live so long you'll have to put him in your will and bequeath him to one of your children.

If you happen to have a household product that you love so much you would marry it if you could, please share in the comments!